Slithering into 2009

New Years Day. 8am. Allan is in the shower. I am making breakfast.

New Years Day is big around here. Its almost bigger than Christmas. We have church services on New Years Day to thank God that we have ‘made it’ into another year without dying or otherwise being attacked by the devil. These are big celebrations. Allan is to preach at the service in our local parish church at 10am. Hence the shower, though he might need another one by the time he has spent two hours or so dressed in clerical robes designed for a cooler climate. Its about 25° already.

I go out of the back door to throw away the coffee grounds from last night – coffee was the tipple during our New Years Eve celebrations, as no alcohol is allowed on the hospital site. But we enjoyed an evening of convivial company with some fellow expatriates nonetheless, and went to bed at a respectable 11pm.

As I throw the coffee grounds on the bare earth, I notice movement – a snake, I thought. Then it registers – A SNAKE! We have seen one before just here, but it slithered away like lightning last time. This time its slithering is decidedly sluggish – nevertheless I retreat to the kitchen and close the netting door. From here I can watch the enemy in safety. Its about 18 ins long, grey and skinny. Its then I notice a large, rather obscene swelling partway down its thin body – it has clearly just swallowed a large meal of frog, maybe, or a small rodent. That would account for the sluggishness. I’ve caught it feeling post-prandial and mellow. Well, maybe not so mellow.

Briefly I consider tackling it alone. All the advice here is to kill snakes immediately on sight. Some are poisonous, some not, but you don’t hang around to find out. Then I decide God gave me a husband for occasions just such as this. While I await Allan’s emergence from the shower – I can’t expect him to tackle the thing naked and wet – I keep an eye on it. We wouldn’t want it to get away again. Its slithering its way, slowly, across the cement outside the back door.
Allan comes out of the shower. ‘There’s a snake outside and we have to kill it’ I greet him. ‘Well, you have to kill it’ - I add – ‘I’ll help.’ What a wonderful fellow I married. We don suitable protective clothing – strong shoes or boots to prevent bites. Allan decides it might be better to put trousers and shirt on too, rather than the dressing gown he was wearing.

We creep out to the store, so as not to announce our presence to the recumbent reptile, and find suitable implements – a rake and hoe are the best we can do. Allan then stands behind the snake, which is still snoozing gently, and brings the rake down on its neck with full force. The snake certainly wakes up, but isn’t killed instantly. It tries to bite the rake, but Allan stands firm. I stand ready with the hoe in case he needs reinforcement, but hoping to be redundant. Eventually he manages to cut off the thing’s head with the rake and hoe combined. That is that.

We throw the two bits of snake onto the vegetable plot (thats a euphemism – not a single vegetable has been known to grow there successfully). There it remains, looking increasingly revolting, until our gardener came the next day and buried it.

But we were very proud of our conquest as a suitably assertive beginning to the new year. None of the snake’s relatives have yet been back to seek revenge. So we trust we will live to thank God for bringing us safely on to the beginning of 2010.